This post is inspired by the Emotional dimension of wellness.
Emotional wellness is about feeling and being in touch with your emotions. It is also about managing your emotions so that your life doesn’t fall apart each time something doesn’t go your way. It involves controlling your reactions when disaster strikes and learning that your response is a choice you make but one that takes time to develop.
“Perfectionism is fear in good shoes.” - Melissa Gilbert
I have been blessed to have many friends that live all around the United States and have noticed a common thread that binds us all together; perfectionism. I see it not only with women but with men as well. So, I thought this would be a good time to hit the subject head on, dive in, get real, and discuss…
I am the biggest culprit of all on perfecting things, especially in the kitchen! I mean, just look at the photo of my Spatchcock Chicken; it’s perfect, right? Sure, I could have added a little more green, but it's sufficient! But this got me thinking, is this the persona I am showing to the world? I suppose if you’re a friend of mine on social media, you will see perfectly plated food, gourmet meals for my husband, and beautiful photos of my family who all get along. It all looks like the picture perfect life, right? Well, it’s time to let you in on a little secret; I am imperfect!
“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.” - Anne Wilson
It’s a little funny because I am not a perfectionist in every facet of my life, but what I’ve realized about myself is that I am a perfectionist with things I can control, such as a recipe, my weight, my looks, and most times, my relationships. For me, perfectionism is not always a positive trait because it can create a lot of anxiety. I'll start by explaining where I think it started. Hopefully, some of you can relate!
I was born the youngest of four siblings in the 1960’s: a time when parents would try to emulate shows on television like Leave it to Beaver. On the show, June Cleaver was the perfect stay-at-home mom who was the archetypical suburban parent of the 1950’s. My parents both grew up in households that didn’t quite fit the show’s mold, which is why I believe they strived so hard to give it to their own children.
My mom was from a broken home (that’s what she would call it) where her father was absent and lived in a different state, and my grandmother was left to care for her. But, my grandmother had a full time job and often left my mom to fend for herself, so she would also stay with a few aunts. My mom explained her childhood as missing a family connection, and she yearned for a large family where she could play the role of June Cleaver. She dressed herself in fastidious and fashionable clothing to make certain she looked picture perfect with her photoshoot ready smile. She also kept a perfectly clean home so she could be ready for a visitor to pop over at any time of the day. Although my childhood was lovely in that regard, it came with a price. That price was feeling the need to copy her, and that is what I was told to do when I grew up and got married.
I married my first husband at 19 years of age and had my son before I was 20. Although we had barely enough money to provide for ourselves, we did our best to care for our son. I will never forget the first few years of marriage where I would make sure I got up early to shower, put on a full face of makeup, and make a beautiful breakfast for my previous husband. It was exhausting trying to care for a newborn and keep up with the image I thought I was supposed to be, and the biggest problem with this scenario was that my husband didn’t appreciate any of it. You can imagine what a let down it was for me considering how hard I was trying. When I look back, I believe that this rejection made me feel I wasn’t loved. In the end, it led to a divorce, but of course I got into another relationship and did it all over again. That’s what we humans do; we repeat our habits until the day the light bulb goes off!
Fast forwarding to today, through all my "nine lives”, I’ve learned a lot about myself and my behavior. I’ve learned that I am imperfect, messy, and crazy, but loveable. I am a good person, gifted in many areas of my life and have a big heart (and I feel that it is okay to say that!) I still practice all the old fashion rituals my mother taught me, but I have a husband who appreciates them and thankfully, loves me messy - without make up. He couldn't care less if I make a beautiful meal or if we go out! He accepts me for me, and lets me be. And the best thing about my life is that I have come to fully understand myself and accept (and love) all my imperfections.
I hope my little story sheds light on a subject we all struggle with because it’s important that we don’t get caught up in the things that don't really matter in life. In reality, it's about being seen and showing up for life in all its ugliness and its beauty. This is how we grow!
“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you’re worthy of love and belonging." - Brene Brown
Recipe of the Day: Spatchcock Chicken
To make this a one-pan meal, add 6 potatoes (or replace with turnips), 4 carrots and Brussels sprouts (just enough to fit around the chicken). Everything roasts together, and you don’t have to toss or flip anything while it is roasting in that amazing flavored butter. Note, you can either ask your butcher to spatchcock your chicken for you, or you can do it yourself!
INSTRUCTIONS
Place chicken breast-side down with the wings/neck facing towards you. Use kitchen shears to cut through the ribs right next to the spine on both sides to remove spine. Open the rib cage, and use a heavy chefs knife to score down the sternum. This will help to pop out the breast bone and flatten the chicken. Season under the chicken with about 1/2 tsp salt and a pinch of black pepper.
Flip the chicken over with the breast side up and place on a parchment-lined, rimmed baking half sheet. Using the palm of your hand, push firmly over the breast bone so the chicken lays completely flat. You want it to lay flat so all parts of the chicken bake evenly. Separate the skin from the meat over breast, thigh and drumstick areas.
In a small mixing bowl, combine the flavored butter ingredients and mash together with a fork for a couple of minutes until most of the lemon juice is incorporated into the butter. Spread 2/3 of it under the chicken skin. Then, spread and dot remaining butter all over the chicken. Preheat Oven to 425˚F.
Place prepared vegetables all around the chicken and drizzle all over with olive oil. Sprinkle generously with salt and some black pepper to taste.
Bake uncovered at 425˚F for 45 minutes or until instant read thermometer registers 160˚F when inserted into the thickest part of the chicken breast. Don’t over-bake or the breast will be dry. Keep in mind the temperature will rise another 5-10 degrees after it comes out of the oven!
Remove form oven and rest uncovered for 10 minutes on a cutting board before serving.
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